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It's been a few weeks since I've thrown one of these together because I've been spending an increasing amount of prime time in the out-of-doors, but I needed to get back on the horse--
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| Aaaaiiiiii, not THAT horse! He's running on AIR! Hey, do you think he knows Falkor? |
The stars are Vanity & Taimak: I don’t think there are enough single-named “actors” anymore.
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| Chopsticks are a very important part of marital arts training. Mr. Miyagi told me so. |
For those of you Mythbusters fanatics who wanna cry foul about Taimak catching those arrows I suggest you watch this...(at least 4:30 through 5:30):
Betcha didn't know I was such a badass archer, didja?
(Don't forget...bikini skiing up next!!)
When I reach the Final Level it looks something like this:
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| And then I make Ganon my bitch with the Silver Arrow. And make sweet, sweet love to Zelda. |
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| The belt buckle, er...charm looks like a space invader. |
There are some clever transitions in this theater scene cutting between Bruce Lee’s reactions in Enter the Dragon and the live action. Nicely done.
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| Kid gave Sho’Nuff a facepalm. Excellent. |
Eating popcorn with chopsticks. Probably one my favorite little touches to his character.
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| Cyclone: “That’s the only guy that stands between Sho ...and total supremacaaaay.” |
Mr. Nuff: “Catches bullets with his teeth??!!”
Foreshadowing!! His disbelief would be his undoing.
Mr. Nuff: “The shogun is BACK on the scene!”
I really wonder where he went. DId he take a trip to see his grandmoms upstate?
Half shirts!! And a drag queen. Excellent scene...
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| I'm just...wow. |
Does Rock have a pet Vat of Boiling Acid? I wonder why those never caught on. That sounds like it came from Mainway Toys.
Ok, nevermind, there’s something moving in the acid. It must be a distant cousin to the thing from the trash compactor in Star Wars. Or the swamp of Dagobah.
Rock is really put out by Angie’s “success.”
He’s got an amazing jacket, though...
Every time I see Faith Prince in this it makes me nostalgic for that “Encyclopedia” show that was on HBO when I was a kid. I remember her and Jim Fyfe, but nobody else. (To the INTERNET!)
OMG I CAN'T GET THAT SONG OUT OF MY HEAD NOW!!!
And I totally forgot about Betty.
Ahhh DeBarge just jumped up from out of nowhere!!
Different version than the movie, but who cares? The music’s playin’ and this is a celebration of amazingly terrible 80s fashion!
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William H. Macy! What a jacket!
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Eddie Arkadian is a self-professed video game king (much like Noah Vanderhoff of Noah’s Arcade). He’s going to go in the tank in a few years once my parents buy me a Nintendo. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and laugh at him.
And buy stock in Nintendo and Microsoft.
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| Ugh, it turns out Laura Charles is not very talented. She’s pretty fine, tho'. And her dress looks like an Egyptian computer chip. |
Aaaahh, the computerized kiss blowing is freaking me out. It’s like a spooky pink bat!
Why is Leroy outside the 7th Heaven show right when Laura is getting attacked? Very convenient...bad writing.
The love theme is a total ripoff of Atlantic Starr’s “Always” and you know it.
Damn, I wish that song were not a duet...I would totally kill that at karaoke.
Need to find a partna.
The best place to deposit an unruly limo driver is through the open window of his open front door. He will look silly when he tries to stand up and you will laugh, because Kung Fu is mostly about being silly.
He put her in that cab from Scrooged that takes Frank back to the 1948.
Eddie (to Angie): “Don’t bug me...FIX YOUR FACE!”
And THAT, my friends, is how you talk to a lady...at least one who is wearing a whole colony of exploded Snorks.
Great subtle humor:
Thugs: “...it was these bodyguards, 20 or 30 of them...big...BLACK GUYS.”
<they look guiltily at the black guy with them>
Black thug: Yeah, with chains!
I guess that makes it okay?
Yeah, Leroy has a Bruce Lee Game of Death tracksuit! Just like the Bride!
Johnny keeps calling himself an “Oriental Dude.” Ahhh 80s...
My mantra: “KISS MY CONVERSE!!”
I’m guessing this is the next day, but all the people in Mr. Nuff’s gang are wearing the same thing as they were in the theater scene. You think he has a bunch of those outfits, or have they just not been home to change?
RUDY!
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| Every attempt to make the chopsticks look like a Jell-O Pudding Pop ended up looking very, very wrong. Instead, here is a video of her doin' her thang. And just because, here is Bill Cosby and his pal Mortimer Ichabod Marker. |
I think one of the best things about this movie is that it deals with racial issues through the confrontation of urban intermingling. The black people own a pizza shop; lots of non-Asians are into kung fu to the extent that they recognize the concept of a territorial shogun; for their part the Asians are just as likely to be into modern clothes and listening to club music and (Berry Gordy’s version of) hip-hop, and essentially mock their own cultural heritage. And the whites...are mostly gangsters and thugs.
Another kidnapping attempt...and Leroy again in the right place...this time at least they set up why he was there.
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Cyndi Lauper mocking a bit?
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The thing to say when a ninja shatters down your door:
Eddie: “Who the hell is this guy? We didn’t order out!”
There's always time for wisecracks!
Wait, does Laura live in the same apartment building as Arkadian?
He got her home, like, immediately.
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| Oh, Leroy...you have no moves. Cock’s crow? Not so much. |
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| Ever-helpful NY cops. |
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| Yes, the white dude with the thick glasses and the too tight shirt drinking a screwdriver in the middle of the day...he’s the one who knows where to find Sum Dum Goy. |
Things you never see unless you have the widescreen version:
Dude on the left using a pick to comb his hair!
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| As if the see-through shirt and single finglerless glove weren’t enough. |
I am seriously crestfallen (you guys) that there is not an officially official music video for Raw Dog's "Suki Yaki Hot Sake Sue.".
“Ain’t no masters here dude...ain’t no slaves either.”
I think I could write a really academic piece about race relations and how this movie might have sparked Spike Lee to make Do the Right Thing, But that would be a lot of bullshit.
Speaking of Sum Dum Goy, did you know that a “goy” is a non-Jewish white person?
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Yes! Now Sho'Nuff is ready for gameday!
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I do love that Mama Green was gonna attack ShoNuff with a pizza peel.
This is a modern commentary on the death of the small business. As Shogun of Harlem, Sho'Nuff represents the ruthlessness of corporate greed, willing to do anything and everything to dominate the economic landscape, even to the extreme of vandalizing a Mom & Pop store that might be a threat. Dirty pool, Mr. Nuff. Dirty pool.
Sho'Nuff hates Angie’s music, too. So I think that officially makes everybody but Eddie.
Team Sho'Nuff rides in an A-Team pedo-van:
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| The back windows match his shades. The ladder on the back is also very important so you can get people up there to do kung fu and/or dance moves during your inevitable music video. |
Oh, no...maybe violence IS the answer? Black Panthers, UNITE!
I think MLK would find this movie totally jive.
Johnny after meeting Laura Charles...priceless.
TIA.
Lots of broken tables in this joint.
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| Man, Angie's outfits...just spectacular. |
Awww, dramatic moment revealing Eddie’s insecurities. Not exactly On The Waterfront.
Great stinger on the end of the scene...
Eddie: “Where you goin’?”
Angie: “Elocution class.”
Eddie: “What for?”
Love that.
Mr. Nuff has his own fight club... but why does he get to wear shoulderpads?
Seems like an unfair advantage.
As if Eddie and Rock weren’t dressed beautifully, the hairpieces are a nice touch.
They almost look like Teddy Boys.
Paraphrasing:
Leroy: I will be your bodyguard if you help me on this mission.
Laura: Wait here, I need 5 minutes to change into my Oriental clothes.
Ok, so she put together the Bruce Lee montage. I can buy that. But how did she know to use a song that talks about “Reach the Upper Level” “When you Got That Glow”? He just taught her about these concepts 20 minutes ago at her apartment. Conveniently dubious.
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| I don’t think that kid’s jean jacket is military issue. He’s a Sergeant of what...Candy Land? |
Odd (and convenient) that she would edit that scene of Chinese Connection where Bruce Lee is disguised as a phone repairman. The kissing scene makes sense (she wanted to teach him some moves.) But then the disguise scene comes up and she asks him “What’s that?” I think she’s manipulative. And knows more than she’s letting on. If this were a James Bond film this would be the point where I reveal Laura Charles as a double agent.
Favorite newfound line from this viewing comes from the dude with the blue mesh shirt and the snake-print vest:
“I don’t know what you’re up to, buddy,
but I’m gonna RIP YOUR FACE OFF!”
Johnny: "How about something in a medium-sized Oriental?"
Angie: “No thanks...I’m not Jewish”
What?! Ha!
I do like his tank top. Takes style points from their uniforms earlier.
Awww 80s music videos...You were the best:
That video is incredibly phallic.
So what do these 3 guys do at the fortune cookie factory? Are they guards? Are there no other employees? They make it sound like they run the place but they don’t seem to be running a very tight ship.
Wow they got a little 80s Stevie Wonder in here. Never noticed that one.
Ninja kid! Why is this his first appearance in the movie? He's a scene stealer.
Now I’m remembering that Ernie Reyes, Jr. was really hot shit for a little stretch.
Anyone else remember Sidekicks!!? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090519/
All of these thugs should be easy to take out because they are too busy shining flashlights from a low angle up at their faces trying to look scary.
Oh no wait! Spotlights built into the floor. Excellent work, Mr (or Mrs) Set Designer.
Wow that escalated quickly. It’s like a Royal Rumble!
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Richie is totally poppin’ and lockin’ his way out of his bindings! YES!
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There is way more of Ernie Reyes fighting in this scene than anyone else.
Real-life update: He’s still working, not destroyed by drugs and alcohol, not fallen into a reality TV level of obscurity. I can really respect that the discipline instilled in him as a young kid probably kept him on a pa-- OH SHIT, HE’S BREAKDANCE FIGHTING!!!
I won’t say much about the thrilling Sho'Down between Bruce Leroy and the Shogun of Harlem, except that if anyone wants to get me a set of red silk pajamas with a tiger over the shoulder just like Mr. Nuff’s I will totally ‘fro out my hair for Halloween. Weddings. Bar Mitzvahs. Or just anytime.
Gotta hand it to Eddie Arkadian: He’s wheeling and dealing even after trying to pop a cap in someone’s ass...er, mouth.
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| I call this move "Eating the Big Mac." |
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When we all wear white it's like there is no race. Except white.
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Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go find a lady to teach me some moves.
Where is my paintbrush?
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