It was an ugly game, as rivalry games are wont to be, but a big win nonetheless, and upon leaving the stadium (*cough* “bar”) with my head held high and the greatest fight song in the land still ringing in my ears I remembered that I had now missed a couple of days posting on my newfound blog. “Better not let it slip,” says I to I, and I think through the few posts I have mostly written and try to recall if any of them are ready to publish, if the shit is polished enough to be an acceptable turd. “Not quite,” I decide, but then an idea fires in the synapses and the result is in front of you. Just something to keep things less monotonous here on The Man Who Viewed Too Much, to dive deep into some of my favorite movies and go a little stream-of consciousness. Ladies & gentlemen, madams et messieurs, I present my first drunken movie blerg.
Since the game had just ended my first thought was to freeblog the classic hoop film “Blue Chips.” Then I was shocked to discover that it is missing from the archives. Nolte, Kazaam, and Anfernee will have to wait for another night. Maybe in March. Instead, inspired by the recent viewing of “A Better Life” (review to come...mmmm, probably within the week) I’ve decided to review a film that truly shaped my childhood and my life, Tim Burton’s masterpiece, “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.” Feel free to pop in your own DVD or VHS copy and follow along as I bullet-point my way through this essential.
Drinking: Spaten Oktoberfest (Thanks, Berg!) followed by a little Charles Shaw Cab/Sav (It's cheap and it's good.)
Movie is GO!:
(Titles) Music by Danny Elfman, - the big motifs, love how they stay with you - Elfman was still in Oingo Boingo at this point, right? This wasn’t that long after Weird Science.
Co-written by Phil Hartman! - Always a sad thing to see, he was a true talent and his voice is all over this thing.
Apparently the Tour De France held their trophy ceremonies in a big field, not under the Arc du Triomphe or anything.
I want bunny slippers, and a carrot for them to sniff.
What does Pee Wee do for a living? How can he afford a house like this? Is he an inventor? Inventors don’t make shit, Gremlins taught me that.
Ahhhh, the breakfast Rube Goldberg breakfast machine! Want.
I still sometimes brush my teeth and say “Arrrrrr Mad Dog! Ruff...RUFF!!” And tape my face. And make myself a Mr. Breakfast. All in the same morning sometimes.
Pee-wee weighs 95 lbs. I be like dang.
Love the irony of how he doesn’t eat the breakfast after all of the hullaballoo of the Rube Goldberg machine. Hence the 95 lbs.
His neighbor Mr. Crowtray seems like a cool dude to put up with Pee-Wee’s BS. My landlord has a hissy if I even leave my grill out in the yard.
If I ever have the chance to say “Good Morning. I’m Here!” like Pee-Wee just did, well then...I hope I’m not talking to a bike, that’s all I’ll say.
His bike garage has a fake spotlight painted behind it. I want to see that in someone’s house someday.
My cousin Nate & I had this movie memorized by the time we were 10. The PW/Francis exchange is seared in my brain. “I know you are but what am I?” and
“Because, I don’t make monkeys, i just train ‘em!” - I’m pretty sure those were rejected lines from Gone With the Wind.
Kids in the 80s apparently just hang around on the lawn sitting on their BMX bikes, right? They were pretty RAD.
PW’s bike chain is clearly made of plastic. What a sucker. A chain of fools. So sad.
The sign on “Mario’s Magic Shop” is readable from the inside of the door. That’s weird.
TRIVIA!!~!
Nothing in Mario’s really seems like magic. It’s like dork survival.
So, again, bike kids just hang around in their gear. In Chuck’s Bike-O-Rama. Are they on their way to a shred? Are those the same kids? Did they change clothes while PW was in Mario’s?
Greatest Line in Movie History Right Now:
“You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel.”
!!
Elfman really took something from Bernard Herrmann & “Psycho” with the strings, didn’t he?
Coming blank into a scene...
Desk Cop: “What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved?”
Clearly sounds like a Phil Hartman line and one of the funniest under the radar lines in the whole movie!!
As badass as PW’s house is, Francis Buxton’s pad is on a whole ‘nother level.
Ruebens is pretty brilliant sometimes. So over the top and hilarious!
“We’re miles from where anyone can hear you!! HAHA!”
His suit dries off pretty damn quickly.
I always wondered what Mr. Buxton’s gum tasted like. Did it taste like failure? I wonder if it killed him. He looks like he has heart problems.
Why does Francis hang out with rejects from “Grease”?
The “Big Meeting” scene is one of my favorites. 217 bits of information. Evidence.
Amazing Larry needs a spinoff.
That reminds me of this!:
In 3 hours he only gets through exhibit Q. That’s that the 17th letter. He had another 200 pieces of evidence?!!!
The cable-knit sweater bit cracks me up every time.
Madam Ruby. Man, what a bitch. And not very creative. She looks at billboards that were probably outside her place for weeks...did she just tell e’rrbody that e’rrthing was in the basement at the Alamo?
PW doesn’t seem that concerned that Mickey is an escaped criminal. Maybe Mickey just got caught jerking off in an adult cinema? (Sorry, Reubens. That’s the only time I’ll make that joke, it had to be done. Low hanging fruit.)
Why do people always think that you’re not supposed to take those tags off mattresses and pillows? It clearly says “except by the consumer.” People are allergic!
Shit, maybe Mickey was a mattress salesman! #eureka!
Awwwww, there goes PW’s bike!! The X1!! If he hadn’t been distracted this could have been all over within 45 minutes and then PW could have gone and started his awful farm and circus with his talking pig and wiener tree and Kris Kristofferson. God that movie sucked.
Where did they get that dress and wig to fool the cop at the checkpoint? Did PW have them in his hobo bag? Hmmm. Dubious.
Thelma and Louise should have just used the parachute on the back of their convertible.
Large Marge! “Worst accident I ever seen!” Holy crap...Tim Burton, you are a weird motherfucker. (obvs)
Bucket List #56: One of these days I hope to watch a sunrise with a woman...inside of a dinosaur.
That truck stop has some seriously retro gas pumps. #americanpickers
“But what? Everyone I know has a big ‘but.’ Come on Simone, let’s talk about your big ‘but.’” Love how the childish comedy slides right alongside the serious moment.
Aww yeah, the Burton claymation dream sequences are awesome. There’s something about this stuff that is so much, er...better(?) than it would be if it were clean CGI. You know they had to have worked for weeks to do that 10 second scene where the TRex eats PW’s bike.
Jan Hooks @ the Alamo - She’s perfect, and you know this was all Hartman.
“Yes, there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, all of which I will tell you about right now!” That line has a very Simpsons vibe.
No basement at the Alamo. Denied! That Madam Rose needs a punch in the face.
Why does PW think Dottie is so terrible? Do you think they have a past, like they hooked up once and now Dottie is all obsessed with him, but PW is all, “Man, that bitch be trippin’, but she make a kray loud bike horn, yo. Nome sane?”
I’m kinda impressed at the shot of the bull jumping the fence. Is that normal? Can cows jump like that?
“Do you remember anything?
“I remember...the Alamo.”
“YEEEHAWW!!”
Awesome.
No comments on the “Tequila!” scene. I’ve danced that dance thousands of times...and probably will again. Especially if I’m ever hanging around w/ the Sons of Anarchy.
The scenes are so arbitrary and barely connected together at this point. Kinda loses steam even though it’s memorable.
AAGHHGHG CLOWN DOCTORS GO AWAY!!!
That kid from the Wonder Years...man he was the suck. That nun needs to punch him.
The “PW stealing the bike” motif has a bit of a “Mrs. Gulch coming to take away Toto” feel to it. Good work Elfman.
Warner Brothers had to love the gag where the guard drives the golf cart through the fake backdrop. Live action Looney Toons! Classic!
The driving through the studios stuff is great, especially the Godzilla scene. Outstanding.
Twisted Sister. Dee Snyder. Paycheck. Check.
Love how his bike is basically a James Bond Aston Martin on 2 wheels. Wish they had done a spec rundown with Q at the beginning. Oh, right they do a fake out with Francis at the end. ;)
Again, more kids on bikes...but just sitting there.
Betty White’s favorite scene: the pet shop escape. That place probably smelled crispy and delicious!!
Note to self: If I ever have a dog I am naming it Speck.
Kind of lazy/funny how they decide to finish it by making a movie about him getting his bike stolen, when the entire movie is kind of a spoof on The Bicycle Thieves in the first place.
@ the Drive-in. MORE kids just sitting around on bikes. Yeesh. Pedal something, you punks! And get off my lawn.
James Brolin and Morgan Fairchild in the PW movie. and PW’s fake voice as he Awesomesauce.
If I ever have a chance to say, “The X1 needs to cool down,” I hope I’m not talking about a bike. #justsayin’
Prison bus field trip to the drive-in. Do they have those? What if the bus crashes and Dr. Richard Kimball gets away?!
So basically, PW met people from every social strata on his adventures. And he’s not going to introduce any of them to each other. He’s kind of a dick.
Phil Hartman sighting!! “When exactly did you become blood brothers?” Awwww, miss that guy.
And Francis never got busted for stealing the bike and he is still a rich douche. The end.
That’s it. Wow this is kinda long. But NO EDITING!
[Okay, I cleaned up some typos, but left everything in, good and bad.]
Hope someone found this entertaining. I plan to do it again, so any requests for the next Drunk Movie Time?
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